By Royal Calkins
‘Twas days before Christmas but, gosh darn it, not the Christmas of 2021
It was still the world’s longest year, felt like five years around the sun.
I was tucked into bed scrolling the web for the very latest numbers
About recovery rates, ICU capacity, surge spots and other big bummers
Herself was in the den skimming through this week’s New Yorker
Those Santa Claus ads all make him look like a proper porker.
The kids, well that’s another thing, they’re right where we left ‘em
When the sweet one scampered off to college, and the other one, well, he’s no gem
So it’s just the two of us this time, this period of pandemic, wish us luck making merry
Our plan is to open a bottle of something and can opener the cranberry
The Warriors are playing so I’ll be content and hope that Herself likes her new tent
That maybe she’ll be able to use right around the next Lent
No reindeer hooves on the roof this time,
no rosy cheeked carolers trying to keep time
No running to Macy’s for last minute gifts
We’ve filled the family baskets to give some needy some lifts
We might have gone to the Unitarian Hall for some holiday carols
Or dropped off a case of sanitizer over at the Ferrells.
Should have but we didn’t so there really isn’t much to do
Considering that we can’t find the damned Roku
Still we’re counting our blessings and thanking so many souls
Who’ve kept us fed and warm, no oxygen tubes in the facial holes
We worry about the folks across town, the homeless, the meek
We cry for the people on the wards, the familiar faces they seek
For it’s a virtual world this year, online shopping, digital cheer
Thank goodness there’s hope now, the vaccine’s finally here
May the many survive this, may the people stay strong
Confident that we have voted out the guy who did us so wrong
So since it’s a virtual holiday, we’ll content ourselves with simple greetings
Like in Xmases past, which looking back now seem awfully fleeting
Instead we’ll present mythical presents, full-throated greetings, appropriate signs
Of the regard we hold you in, mostly good or at least sorta fine
So to Wendy Root Askew we gift you with courage and grit
You’ll need it in Salinas, county politics are tough, but we know you’ll get it
To Jane Parker, a gift of traveling shoes and meetingless Tuesdays
And thanks for your service, you’ve helped keep things sane by the Bay(s)
For that nice Ian Oglesby, we’ve wrapped a serious chainsaw, a Stihl
So you can cut the ties to the old ways that kept Seaside behind
Be your own fellow now and Seasiders’ stockings you’ll fill
To Craig Malin, Jason Campbell, Acme Coffee, just try to be kind.
To Susan Ragsdale-Cronin, Allison Kerr and that nice Brenda Lewis
Here’s hoping for a year filled with only Can-Do-Its
To the Marina types like Cristina Medina, Kathy Biala and that silvery Delgado
May your new council arrangement create Ho Hos, not No Nos.
To the county boys, like Phillips and Narigi, we’re wrapped up some transparency
So we can know what’s happened to all that pot currency
To those under subpoena and FPPC scrutiny
Let’s hope it ends quickly without need for mutiny
To the press corps, The Weekly, KSBW and Herald and whatever’s left
A gift of more subscribers to give you some heft
So you can go after the big stories, the ones about corruption
Instead of nothing but COVID’s latest eruption
Kimbley Craig, Wes White, Luis Alejo and Ray Corpuz
Each should in their stockings get a sweet baby porpoise
To the Carmel Council’s Bobby Richards, the nicest politician around,
Let’s unwrap a restaurant business plan that’s unusually sound
Ginger Cabrera, the Gigers, and the Wray boys, Vinnie and Miles
Christmas sweaters, holiday fudge and toys in big piles
Monica Sciuto, Mary Barker, the twins, Sarah and Summer
Let’s hope the quiet holiday is no kind of crumbler
For Joe, Loma, Kathy, Claudia, Julia and her precious beau
Set the Christmas table with cakes and honey aglow
Parsons and Dr. Woods, and all four of my eye docs
Mix that Christmas ham with water, spices and fat ham hocks
Let’s not forget Janet Brennan, Glenn Robinson, smart Beverly Bean
Sara Rubin, Asaf what’s his name, the smartest ones we’ve ever seen
Marc Del Piero, brother Eric, Greg Furey, Irwin Speizer, Morley Brown
Some of the best folks who have ever been in this town
To your health, Gordon Smith, grateful David Jackson, crusty Rick Cope
And Jane Haines, Denise Adams, the Dukes and even the pope
An apology to the high schoolers who are losing their senior years
And the athletes who are practicing or playing without any cheers
A virtual hug to artistic Denese Sanders and her whole artsy crew
Being alone doesn’t have to be terrible, throw some crab in the stew
To your health, all you nurses and doctors. ambulance drivers
And nursing home people, teachers and other key strivers
A special thanks to this who have risked themselves
And worked through the deadly year like anonymous elves
The Souzas, the Downeys, John Norman, the Dukeses
Should be glad they’re not in Massachusetts
The Scattinis, the Pezzinis, the Perelli-Minettis,
Each get a pumpkin pie from the back of the delis
Elijah Ramirez, Daniel Fedman, Olivia C and Lauren Polo
Nancy Selfridge, Mel Mason, Phil Penko, the family Pomo,
Each of you toast Zan Henson, Michael Stamp, Jane Wallace and the dogs
Don’t forget Albert Maldonado, Molly E. plus Erin and the other Foggs
Tony Barrera, the Gagne girls, Gail Morton, Edith Chinn
Hold up the mistletoe, don’t it smell like gin?
Sing carols to Charles Lester, and Mary Adams and of course Kelly, Kiley.
Tom Moore, Dave Stoldt, George Riley, George Riley and more George Riley
Ho Ho Ho to every foster child, every ward of the court
Every forgotten kid, every person without a home port
Along with Mikey Hale, the KRML crew and Davey Kellogg of little hair
The Scattinis, Tommy Wright and the kids, Karen Ravn and the dogs, a pair.
To everyone actually, to everyone still reading
This exercise in nonsense, seasonal and possibly misleading
It is not meant to endorse, condone, oppose or even recognize the existence
Of any religion or lack thereof.
So Happy December to all you good souls who have kept Voices of Monterey Bay alive through your knowledge and your willingness to share it, through your encouragement — spoken, silent or merely imagined — and through your donations at a time when there are so many organizations that also deserve support. Cheers!
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May I add Big Kudos to Melodie Chrislock and hubby, Phil Wellman for keeping the PWN masses well informed and the Public Water drumbeat going! Onward into 2021!